197th Post

A warm afternoon.

That will soon turn.

Into the coolness of dusk.
And finally.
Night.

Misery and confusion envelops me.

Many a helping hand.
And listening ear.

Have been offered.

But i chose to shun them.
I chose to shut everyone out.

I chose the most cowardly thing.
To hide behind my bubble of silence.

And not many are able to take my form of silence.

Night after night.
No tears flow.

The only thing that flowed.
Were the alcohol.
And the blood.

Day after day.
Night after night.
Nothing but alcohol.

Many have asked me this.

"What has happened to you?"
"Why are you becoming like this?"

And i answer back.

"I have no goddamn fucking idea on what the fuck is wrong with me."

And so.
I drink.

Ingesting alcohol like there is no tomorrow.
Vomiting out blood like there is no tomorrow.

Waging an eternal war against my personal dark demons.

I don't know.
How much is left.

Insanity creeps closer and closer.
With each passing day.

FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.

GODDAMN IT.

All that remains.
Is bitter angry hatred.
At myself.

And an eternal silence.
A silence in which will follow me to my grave.

It's secrets locked within.
Forever.