171st Post

Another hour of my life.

Slips away.
In a futile attempt to satisfy time's voracious appetite.

But that is not my main concern.
For tonight.

As i sit on my chair.
Silently contemplating my thoughts.

Memories.
Both happy and sad.

Are permanently etched onto me.
As part of my life's story.

But if given a chance.
I'll gladly rewrite my book.

Because.
Too many sad and painful memories.
That outnumber the happy ones.

Memories i wish can be easily erased.
But can they ever be really erased?

Can they?

On one hand.
I like being alone.
Because it gives me time to think.
And arrange my personal thoughts.

But on the other hand.
I don't want to be alone.
Because of the fear of submerging into the sad and painful memories.

But what's the use?
Even if i can just keep the happy memories.
Would i ever be really happy?

I hate this life of mine.
Silently i wish.
I can just end it all.

But i don't want to disappoint my angel.
The way she loves and cares for me.
I don't want to see her heartbroken over my demise.
Nor do i want to see her shed a single tear for me.

So in silence.
I keep this pain to myself.
Never having the courage to confess it to her.

It's so frustrating at times.
When i don't know how to start.

Sigh.
Tormented once again.