172nd Post

Another night.

Lost in my train of thoughts.

Ever get the feeling.
That you wonder what are you actually doing?
What am i doing?
Why am i doing this?

In this case.
Why am i blogging.
When my mind is sometimes a total blank.

Am i blogging just for the sake of blogging.
Or am i blogging to release pent up emotions.
And to unleash my deepest thoughts.

I don't know.
Sometimes i wonder.
Why am i in such a screwed up school.
With such an inefficient and incompetent administration.

Of course.
The usual people will just say.
"It's because you never study hard enough."

But well.
Interest plays a role too.
I had no interest back then.

But that doesn't mean i still have that interest.
So am i studying for the sake of studying?
Or am i studying for a future.

Again i draw a blank.
My mind is just plain turning into mush.

I don't know what to do.
I don't feel like continuing my studies.
I don't feel like living this piece of shit which is called life.
I feel like giving up on everything.

And to take a long neglected break.
A break in which i may never return from.

I silently despise the human race.
Prisoners of their own illusions, lies and inconsiderate selfish acts.

But what is to be done to them.
Especially when one refuses to listen to advice.

But truth be said.
Who likes to be told on what to do?

Ironic isn't it?

Another one of life's numerous ironies and conflicts.
Which leaves me confused at times.
And causes more frustrations and despise.

I hate it.
I hate life.
Will the Archangel of Death ever come to visit me?

Born into agony and darkness.
Forever cursed into having to receive pain.