126th Post

Silent.

Broken.
Mentally weakening.

Once again i wonder.
What am i exactly searching for?
How do i even begin.

To describe the numerous questions.
That besiege me.
Day after day.
Night after night.

This feeling of being lost.
And no end of wandering aimlessly.
Really sucks to the core.

No idea how to start.
Other than to think and think.
Only to be driven back.
By pure frustration.
And a sense of failure.

I thought i can remain happy for a long time.
But i guess not.
Why?

Maybe it's because of what i think of life.
Or perhaps society is to blame.
For being the pressure cooker that it is.

Sometimes.
Is it worth to be the individualist ?
Or to just follow what society wants us to follow?

Torn apart by those questions.
Sometimes i just wish.

To speed up my living time.
So that i will not think so much.
And not bother so much.

Yup.
But then again.
Comes another question.

Would i be happy if my time is up?
Or would i be filled with hate, anger and regrets?

Damn it.
Day by day.
I half wish for the razor.

Rip open the veins.
Splash the blood across the floor and walls.
And to hasten my living time.