281st Post

A cold and rainy night.

The right weather for my mood.

As i look back.
I don't know.

To laugh.
To cry.

All i know is that.
I'm worn out.

Totally sick and tired of the world.

Should i cease to look for happiness.
And to resign myself to fate?

Totally lost and confused.
What the hell have i learnt for the past 27 years?

It is said.
That the eyes are the windows to one's soul.

For they tell a complicated story.
In which only a rare few can comprehend.

My own eyes are a blank empty stare now.

Just like my own mind.
Just like my own heart.
Just like my own soul.

Pure emptiness.

So tell me now.

Is it better to live an illusion veiled with lies?
Or
Is it better to be cut down by the truth?

Sigh.

Heaven or Hell.
Hear my question.

How many more innocent souls must i inflict hurt on.
Before you are willing to give me back my happiness.

Countless scars and fresh bleeding cuts cover my arms.
From past and present punishments.

As atonement.
For every soul that i had inflicted hurt on.

Forgive me.
That's all i ask for.

I hate myself.