158th Post

It's one of those nights again.

I'm feeling miserable.

Tonight marks the night.
In which i had to say goodbye to someone close.

I can only hide my sorrow.
As she crosses the boundary of no return.

I can only smile and wave.
In pretense.

But inside me.
I am crying my blood tears.

It hurts.
When i can't release it.

I feel like hugging her.
And to kiss and feel her lips one last time.

I don't want to let go.
I don't want her to leave.
I wish she didn't have to leave.

For now.
I can only sit and pray.
That nothing will happen to her.

And hope that she reaches her place safely.

As my health slowly sinks.
My coughs are getting more and more frequent.
And more and more violent.

Is this goodbye?
But yet.
I just don't want to say my final goodbyes yet.

But sadly it's not for me to decide.
I could go anytime.

Sigh.

I hate this feeling.