129th Post

Silence.

Darkness.
Sadness.

Another of life's realities strikes me in the face.
Like a slap.

Why is life so peppered with them?

Everyone is hiding something from someone.
Everyone is lying to one another.
Even our own government.

In an ever increasing manner.
I seek temporary peace by drinking.

My mood swings much more easily before.
My worst fear is here.

Because i have discovered that i tend to swing toward anger easily.
And i find it harder and harder to quell it with each time.

To keep that fiery beast in me under control.
It's mentally taxing.

But yet.
I don't know.

I dare not release that fiery beast.
But it's slowly breaking out of its cage.

And when the time comes.
In which the beast eventually breaks free.
I shudder to think of the consequences and the aftermath.

But how do i release it?
Everyone and everything fears the quiet person's anger.

How long more can i hold it at bay?
I don't know.

Each day as i pray in silence.
I pray for forgiveness.
Should the beast one day escape.

And for extra strength.
To continue to keep it caged.

I hate it.
I hate being angry at the smallest of mistakes.

Because at the end of the day.
It's just a small matter.

So help me and my soul of the damned.

For i am a shattered spirit.
Almost nothing of my original self is left.
I'm slowly turning into something else.