94th Post

On the snow covered mountains.
Buried deep in ice.
My soul lies to sleep.

Silently shedding tears.
My silent pain runs deep.
Immersing myself in the forbidden memory fragments.
I silently break down and cry.

Life will never ever be the same again.

I don't know where i am heading.
I dream of dreams.
Of hope.
Of a future.
Of a fixed heading.
Of getting out of this brutal darkness.

Tormented by reality and pain.
Which has left its permanent scars on me.
I will never ever be the same again.

Oh wherefore art thou razor blade?
Won't you come out and play with me?
Don't hide from me now.
Come out come out.
Wherever you are.

It's time to do your talking again.
On my wrist.
On my neck.
Let the blood pour.

And leave my body.
A cold and lifeless thing.

Perhaps only when one's dead.
Can only one realize the true value of life.

Sigh.

But yet.
Perhaps even in death.
I will not learn the true value of life itself.
It's so tiring sometimes.
I'm drained.
I just wish to go quietly.

But yet.
I come to realize.
That is pretty selfish of me.

So i am torn in between.
Living life.
And dying.

Sigh.
What am i to do?

Is living better?
Or is dying better?
I no longer know.

Confused and frustrated again.
I have become.
I hate it.
I hate this feeling.
Damn this feeling to hell.