65th Post

Another night to pass.

My mind.
Pondering over a thousand thoughts.

A friend once asked me this.
If you could travel back in time to do that one thing.
What would that thing be?

A shrug of my shoulder.
Was all i could offer him as an answer.

To undo all the mistakes done?
To reclaim lost innocence?

Thousand and one things i wish i can do.
To change my future.
But they can never be done.

For time came and disappeared.
Never to be seen again.

And soon.
Another year will draw to a close.
And another new year begins.

Sometimes i can only look back in amazement.
At the speed of time's flight.

But here i am.
Still lost in the darkness.
Wandering.
Confused.

Am i fated to be the wanderer?
Never to find my way out out of an increasingly deeper hole?

But yet.
Somehow, i don't mind being in this hole.
For this hole is where my coffin shall lie in.

Day by day.
Is how my life is now.

In silence.
Despair.
Despise.
Sorrow.

Slowly drinking myself to death.

Now my cupboards.
Are neither filled with books.
Nor papers.

But empty bottles.

Rows upon rows.
Of empty bottles.
Of drinks long gone.

For there are many things of my past.
I wish them forgotten.
Forever.

Let them become tiny fragments.
And become lost.
In a pile of jumbled hazy memories.

How much more i can take of this?
I no longer know.

I heave a sigh.
A sigh of frustration.

Who am i?
I no longer know that as well.

Neither dead.
Nor alive.
Just hovering between the astral planes of the living and the dead.

Waiting for hell to come and fetch me.