47th Post
Hi all out there. Sorry for not updating my blog as regularly as i used to. Life's been rather quiet and busy. Nothing much happening. Nothing that can explain why i was having depression spells the past few nights. Maybe it's because of what was happening around me. Or maybe i'm reaching the end limit of what i can store. Or maybe it's because exams are round the corner for me. I don't know. i'm being slowly driven to the point of no return.
Normally, i will rather hide my feelings. But to keep on doing that, it will definitely drive me crazy. But yet, where can i start? How do i start? Who can i dare to approach to confess it all out? Perhaps it's best i continue to try my best to suppress it. But yet, there are limits as to how much i can suppress it mentally. It tires me out before the day's end.
Been drinking myself to sleep. Been trying to cry. But nothing comes out. Thinking of cutting myself would be dumb. Suicide is the worst option. But how do i release it? i have no more ideas.
I'm so disillusioned with life itself.I hate myself. I wish i can wake up one day a happy person for real. No more fake smiles. No more fake laughters. No more having to witness friends quarreling among each other. I'm so tired. So tired of everything. So tired of life. i wish that i can curl up to sleep. Never to be awakened again. Lost in eternal slumber. Lost in unfulfilled dreams that can be fulfilled in the dream world. Lost in fantasy. Lost in a world of happiness. Perhaps in mental death, can i find my elusive companions. Happiness & Peace.
Normally, i will rather hide my feelings. But to keep on doing that, it will definitely drive me crazy. But yet, where can i start? How do i start? Who can i dare to approach to confess it all out? Perhaps it's best i continue to try my best to suppress it. But yet, there are limits as to how much i can suppress it mentally. It tires me out before the day's end.
Been drinking myself to sleep. Been trying to cry. But nothing comes out. Thinking of cutting myself would be dumb. Suicide is the worst option. But how do i release it? i have no more ideas.
I'm so disillusioned with life itself.I hate myself. I wish i can wake up one day a happy person for real. No more fake smiles. No more fake laughters. No more having to witness friends quarreling among each other. I'm so tired. So tired of everything. So tired of life. i wish that i can curl up to sleep. Never to be awakened again. Lost in eternal slumber. Lost in unfulfilled dreams that can be fulfilled in the dream world. Lost in fantasy. Lost in a world of happiness. Perhaps in mental death, can i find my elusive companions. Happiness & Peace.
