174th Post

Another night.

Another glass of wine.
Tis the new month of June.

But yet.
What is the meaning of life?

In silence.
I hate and despise my current life.

Why you ask?
Because its full of holes.
The holes of irrecoverable time loss.

There are times.
I wish for a restart button.
But sadly.
This is not a game.

But if i were given one wish.
I'll wish for the ability to start life all over again.

I loathe harboring regrets of time lost.
I hate this life.
I'm sick of it.

Many times i had harbored thoughts of ending it all.
Giving up on everything.
Including my life.

But yet.
What is still holding me together?
Is it my angel's love?
Or what remains of my shattered sanity?

I don't know.

But at the end of the day.
The hate remains.
The thought remains.
My sanity is growing smaller and smaller.

How much more can i take it?
I don't know.

Or rather.
I no longer care to know.

Many have lamented.
"Is there no rest for the living?"

Maybe.
Maybe not.

So i guess i should be better off dead.
So that i don't have to think so much.
No longer will i harbor hate and despise.
And i will not disappoint anyone anymore.

But yet.
In death.
Will i really be happy?
Will i really get the rest that i yearn for?

Questions.
And more questions.
But as usual.
Not much of answers.

Guess i am indeed better off dead.
Time to end it all.

As the piano plays its last bars.
As the guitar fades.
As the last drop of blood flows from an open wound.
My colored world slowly fades out into black nothingness.

I bid you.
My final goodbye.