74th Post

As twilight approaches.
A rainy weather.
Suits me fine.

For i am now filled with silent sorrow.
Tired i am of the lonely wanderings.
In an everlasting quest.

To seek for answers.
Even though i try not to bother.
But it always return to nag.
Like an irritating itch.

So many decisions to make.
So many things to do.
So little time.
One lifetime.

Would i be free from this torment for real?

Would i ever be happy again?
Or am i fated to remain dejected.
For the rest of this miserable life.

I no longer know.
What am i doing anymore.
Why am i living?

Even if i die.
Would hell even accept me?
Or am i cursed to roam the earth.
A wandering entity.
Of a tragic past.

Bearing silent witness.
To the hate and the grudges they bear.
Against one another.

Am i to shed more silent tears.
For all the tragedies being played out.
As one takes the innocent life of the other.
I don't know.

Perhaps i do enjoy watching a life being taken.
But yet.
In silent reflection.
Maybe i don't.

Again.
This dreaded feeling of being lost.
Haunts me.

I hate it.
I wish it will go away.
But sad to say.

It's only temporary.
For i know.
Deep down inside me.
It will return.

Now i'm just living on reserves.
Barely holding my sanity together.
By threads.
That are slowly but surely.
Fraying.

How long and how much of it remains.
I no longer know.

Everyday.
In my silent prayers.
I am asking death to take me into his cold arms.

But well.
Perhaps there is a reason.
In his failure to respond to my prayers.

Sigh.

It's all over.
I'm going to hell.
Where my soul shall wander in darkness forever.